Sad few days

June 26, 2019

I am supposed to be tough being a farmer. I see death all the time but every time still hits me just as hard as the first time. Seeing the sad mom after going through a hard labor, seeing her sad expression makes me want to cry. Some will kiss the baby and some will just stare at it and then walk away. I can see the tears. I can see their pain. I want to comfort them. I want to tell them I am so sorry. I failed. I couldn't make their baby live. I feel like crap knowing I wasn't able to stop it when I am in charge and they trusted me. When they look at me with their sad pleading eyes asking me for help knowing I cant do anything to bring it back to life. Some people say animals have no feeling...I say that's SO very wrong cause i've seen their pain. I've felt their pain.

A few nights ago I went down to check on the animals and noticed Brynn (my fjord) was in labor 3 to 4 weeks early. My gut told me instantly that something was wrong she shouldn't be having her foal yet. I told Sean my gut was telling me something is wrong but I brushed it aside and sat with her for a couple hours when nothing was happening I called the on call vet. He agreed there was something wrong and headed over. It took 3 hours to get the foal out. It was already dead by the time the vet got here, it was head down and back and his little legs were bent down too. Brynn was such a good patient but was so tired. When the Vet pulled the foal out, Brynn turned around and made such a sad noise then turned back forward and leaned her head heavily on me for support. I was trying to be strong and not break in front of the vet who probably didn't want a woman crying in front of him at 3 am but seeing Brynn so sad broke my heart even more. I wanted to take her pain away but I knew I couldn't do anything but be there for her and tell her I was so very sorry.   

Why does it hurt so much to loose animals? What can you tell the mamas who have worked so hard just to loose their precious babies? I am their shepherd. I am supposed to protect them. I cant bring the foal back or take away her pain. I feel so helpless. 

The vet had to come back again the next day to flush out her placenta because it wouldn't come out by itself. She was so sad and depressed. I go out often to pet her and tell her i'm here for her. 

The Vet came back on day 3 to flush out her uterus one last time and my kids were all there watching and Lacey pipes up "I know what you're doing I watched you a day before!" Vet responded "well thats great you are watching and learning next time you can come get the stuff and do it yourself!" Lacey "Ok I will!" lol Glad the kids can watch and learn.

I think we are passed the worse thankfully but I am still keeping a really close eye on her to make sure no infections pop up. I give her all the lovings I can and I pray May has a healthy foal with no problems next month than maybe Brynn will heal seeing her sister foal...maybe it will make her more depressed being reminded of her loss. I am not sure but I will be there everyday to give her my support. 

One good thing is I have learned a lot about horses and them having babies this time around so I will be able to be on the look out more.

Farm life isnt all happy. Sometimes its very sad. But I am SO thankful to be able to be this close to my animals and do my best at helping them and being their for them. I am so blessed to be apart of Gods creation. I love my life and I will keep learning every day. Some days are harder then others but then some days I feel so blessed!

God bless and remember animals feel pain too. Love them and show them support!

 

 

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